Stanza 13 of the Tao Te Ching offers a striking meditation on the nature of self, status, favor, and fear and reveals how the ego is the root of human suffering. Laozi teaches that as long as we are attached to our self-image, pride, reputation, and sense of gain and loss, we will be at the mercy of the world. But those who transcend the ego, who serve from humility and love, become trustworthy stewards of the Tao and naturally attract the world's respect and harmony.
Favor and Disgrace Are Both Dangerous
"Favor and disgrace seem alarming; high status greatly affects your person."
Laozi opens with a paradox:
Both being honored (favor) and being disgraced cause emotional turmoil.
Why? Because both are external conditions that affect how we see ourselves.
We usually think of favor as good and disgrace as bad, but Laozi says they are two sides of the same coin: both create instability because both are rooted in our attachment to ego and status.
When we live by external validation, we are never truly free.
If we rise in status, we fear losing it.
If we fall from favor, we feel pain and shame.
Either way, we are not in control; our peace depends on how others see us.
Favor is the Lower
"What are favor and disgrace? Favor is the lower: get it and you're surprised, lose it and you're startled. This means favor and disgrace are alarming."
Here, Laozi emphasizes that even favor, being liked, praised, or rewarded, is not something to aspire to.
To receive favor is to become beholden to it.
To crave praise is to give others power over your worth.
You may feel elated or flattered when you get it, but that reaction already means you're not centered.
When you lose it, the emotional swing leads to anxiety, hurt, and confusion.
Laozi calls this constant cycle of gain and loss, rise and fall, praise and blame alarming.
Favor is not uplifting; it pulls you into emotional dependence. Disgrace is not the only danger; attachment to favor is equally destabilizing.
Why High Status Afflicts the Person
"Why does high status greatly afflict your person? The reason we have a lot of trouble is that we have selves. if we had no selves, what troubles would we have?"
Laozi now identifies the root cause of our suffering: the self, not the true self, but the constructed ego that:
Seeks recognition, security, and importance.
Fears humiliation, loss, and insignificance.
Is constantly comparing itself to others
What does it mean to "have no self?"
Laozi does not advocate nihilism or self-denial. Rather, he points to the release of egoic attachment, the inner clinging to identity, status, story, and control.
Without ego, you are not disturbed by gain or loss.
Without the "me" and "mine," there is nothing to defend or fear.
When you don't see yourself as separate or special, the world's praise and scorn lose their grip on you.
This is deep Taoist freedom: When there is no "self" to wound, there is no one to suffer. The sage, therefore, does not cling to titles, positions, or identities. They act clearly and without self-reference.
Acting Without Ego
"Therefore, those who embody nobility to act for the sake of the world seem to be able to draw the world to them, while those who embody love to act for the sake of the world seem to be worthy of the trust of the world."
Here, Laozi offers the Taoist model of leadership and influence:
Nobility (Gui 贵):
- Not nobility of birth or title, but virtue, dignity, and integrity.
- Those who embody this nobility don't act to elevate themselves; they act for the sake of the world, and so the world naturally comes to them.
Love (Ren 仁):
- A deep, unconditional care for all beings, not rooted in ego or sentimentality.
- Those who act from this space of love are naturally trusted because they are not acting in self-interest.
The Paradox: The more you let go of yourself, the more the world turns toward you. Not because you sought it but because you became a clear, empty vessel for the Tao to move through.
Practical Application
Stanza 13 is especially relevant in today's world of:
Social media performance.
Corporate hierarchy and ambition.
Comparison culture.
Outrage cycles and public praise/shame.
How can we apply Laozi's wisdom today?
Detach from Praise and Blame
- Don't base your sense of worth on what others think.
- Practice inner stability no matter what praise or criticism comes.
Recognize the Burden of Ego
- Notice when your stress, anger, or fear is tied to "your identity" being threatened.
- Ask yourself: If I let go of this self-image, would I still suffer?
Serve Without Seeking Recognition
- Let your actions be for the greater good, not personal gain.
- Paradoxically, this is what earns true trust and respect.
Practice Humility and Simplicity
- High status is not a virtue if it leads to imbalance.
- Stay close to the earth, honor the whole, and let go of the need to stand out.
Stanza 13 of the Tao Te Ching describes profound freedom, which is achieved not by gaining more but by letting go of self-attachment.
Favor and disgrace are traps if you rely on them for your self-worth.
High status becomes suffering when it inflates the ego.
The self is the root of trouble, not because we should hate it, but because we over-identify with it.
The sage transcends this by acting for the whole, not for the self.
And so, in the humble nobility of selfless action and the quiet power of love without attachment, the sage becomes one with the Tao, trusted by the world and untouched by its storms.